The World Though Rose Colored Glasses. Answer to question 7 of 100

7. What do you think it was about your step mother that appealed to your father? Why do you think he was willing to let her have her way with you without assertively stopping the punishment? What would you say to a man in love with such a mean-spirited person to convince the man to stay away?


What do you think it was about your step mother that appealed to your father?
     Before you I can answer this question first I have to tell you a little bit about my mother. She was a kind person who saw the best in everyone and refused to believe in the bad. I have heard from two different people now  that my mother met my step mother in collage. When My stepmother was going through a divorce my mother offered for her to come and stay until she was on her feet. It was during  this time that my stepmother would make her first move toward my dad. Several hours before my dad was due home from work she would disappear, and then magically reappear all gussied up when my father came home. She would spend the next several hours waiting on him. This attention stuck in my fathers mind and when my mother died and he no longer had anyone to take care of him he turned to her for comfort. My father had a very dependent personality, that required someone to tell him what to do or he was lost.  I think that it stems from the fact that he never stopped being a soldier.

Why do you think he was willing to let her have her way with you without assertively stopping the punishment?     To some extent I believe that my father was somewhat like my mother in that he only saw the good in people. She took good care of him therefor she took good care of us. She manipulated him into thinking that we were the problem that despite her best efforts we were rejecting her because she was not our mother. Other then that I think that he was color blind. There were things that she did to us right in front of him. Like one time she asked me if I washed my hands before dinner. She didn't believe me so she went outside and got a cup of dirt, pored it on my food, and made me eat it all. My dad was sitting there the whole time just watching T.V. During the trial he told the judge that he had done all of those bad things, I wonder if he truly believed that  because he did nothing somehow he did.
   

 What would you say to a man in love with such a mean-spirited person to convince the man to stay away? 
First of all in relationships like this where one of the parties is being sucked dry by the other. The victim has no idea that, their special someone is mean spirited. This is the real problem, everything to them is wonderful and they are shocked when it all crumbles down around their ears. It is like a great wall that is built out of  bricks of promises of fake safety. Over time  the river of reality  erodes the foundation from underneath it. This means that on the surface it looks like the wall will never fall down but soon there is no  foundation. One day out of the blue the force of  all the lies will make it topple this causes an avalanche that barriers everyone involved. Some people are found or escape, while others are crushed under the wait of the loss. All you can do is be moral support when it is required.

Crime, Punishment, and a Good bunch of kids answer to question 6 of 100

6. What are some of the things you are careful to do with your children as a result of your childhood experiences? How do you teach them things like manners and cleaning when those two areas were so awful during your upbringing?

     The most important thing that I try to do is not carry on the tradition of abuse. I was one of the lucky ones compared to a lot of people who are victimized I was taken out of the home at ten years old therefor I had eight years of experience with a different way of discipline and  teaching of values.
Cleaning
      My children all have assigned tasks that best suit there abilities. The oldest does the dishes and walks the dogs, the middle one laundry and feeds the dogs, and the younger two garbage.  All of them help the others with their tasks when theirs are finished.
   There is also a great difference in the reprimand of poorly done jobs. If for example they wash one dish badly. I do not require them to wash every dish in the whole house just the dish that they miswashed. Sometimes I have to remind them sternly to do their assigned task but I never drag them there, by their ears or make them do it without any cloths on.  If they do not do their jobs their privileges are taken away such as Video games, and TV until it is complete. I give them a three strikes your out rule I tell them nicely three times before raising my voice.
 Manners
As far as manners go there are three rules that I have established that have kept the peace for the most part.
Rule One: Ask person to stop if that doesn't work move to Rule two
Rule Two: Leave troubled situation and do rule three
Rule Three: Tell Parent
My children know these rules and fallow them most of the time.
I have instructed them in Etiquette but I don't yell at them if they put there elbows on the table or forget and chew with their mouth open. Meal times are about being together and most of our everyday meals are on TV trays watching our favorite shows.

Summery 
I know that if you were to ask my children they would probably tell you first off that I am a terrible dictator but then after further questioning consed that I am not that bad. The tasks that I have assigned them are things that they need to know to survive when they leave here. Every one in the house will know how to wash the dishes, do laundry and remedial tasks like vacuuming and bathroom clean up. That said I do not solely require them to do it by themselves I take my turn at all of the tasks.

P.S.
After rereading this I must stress one other point my children are loved outwardly, this means that they are told repeatedly that they are loved. Hugs are given all of the time not just when they are hurt .   There is no secret love around here, and I think that in turn they show this love in there good behavior.

Fact or Fiction You Decide Answer to Qusetion 5 of 100

5. Imagine that the imaginary girl who helped you to cope with your traumatic experiences came back today to help you in your current life. What would you say to this imaginary girl and do you think you would still need her in your life right now?

     I know that it is very childish but Susan is still with me and I don't think that she has ever left. Let me tell you a bit about how Susan came about and maybe you will understand why. When I was a kid they thought that every time I drank milk, I would get cold like symptoms runny nose, watery eyes and chapped lips. Whenever these symptoms happened my Stepmother would accuse me of drinking milk at school. One such occasion it was really cold out side and my lips where very chapped. I came home from school and was on my way to my room to get some balm to put on them. When I was confronted by my stepmother outside my bedroom door she demanded to know why I was drinking milk at school. When I told her that I was not drinking any milk at school she back handed me across the mouth. The cracked lips busted open an blood poured out of my mouth. I put my hand to my mouth and headed toward the bathroom. She back handed me again and told me that she had not given me permission to leave. I stood there shaking before her then she hit me again and said stop bleeding all over my carpet get in the bathroom.  That night I lay awake for a long time hoping that my stepbrother would not come for me when I finally fell asleep this is what I dreamed.

    A mother and child traveled alone along an old back road. The mother leaned forward and squinted through the windshield hoping it would help her see through the blinding snow. Her daughter sat in the back seat holding a warn black teddy bear to her chest. She could feel her mothers anxiety and tried to stay quiet but soon fear got the better of her and she asked.
"Are we there yet?" the mother risked a glanced away from the road and gave her daughter a warm smile hoping that it would reassure her.
"Don't worry it is just a little bit further." When she looked back at the road the mother wished that it was true. They still had several miles yet to go and the storm seemed to be getting worse. With greater intensity she gripped the wheel and prayed. The snow streaked down and the car crawled along. The mother risked a peak in the review mirror once again and she found her daughter nodding off her little head sagging onto the top of her teddy bear. When her eyes went back to the road they were blinded by a bright light coming strait for them in the middle of the road was a large semi-truck. She swerved to avoid it but the icy road spun them around until they were in its path again the truck hit the side of the car sending it flying over the embankment. It flipped over and over until it came to rest at the bottom. The mother was dazed and confused blood was dripping down her face out of a large gash on the side of her head. It seemed to scream in pain when she shook her head trying to clear it. Suddenly she remembered her daughter and despite her pain she craned her neck to see into the back seat. Her daughter was on the ceiling of the car at first she seemed to just be sleeping there until her mother noticed she was bent in an unnatural angle. The mother then screamed one word it echoed through the car and out into the night.
"Susan!"

It was at this moment that my alarm clock chose to go off I was ripped out of my sleep and despite my wishes to remain curled up under the covers I knew that I had to get up. I got dressed at my cereal with orange juice on it and then when into the bathroom to bush my teeth. When I looked in the mirror to examine my split lip it was not my own face that I saw but that of Susan's. She smiled at me and said.
"Don't worry I will protect you now." Startled I stepped back from the mirror and the reflection there in was once again my own. I never saw her face again but every time I was hurt I could her her words in my ear telling me that she was there. From that moment on she became my imaginary friend and we did everything together.
     I know that you probably think that I am a quack and that what I have told you is untrue. I have days when I don't even believe it myself.  Then there are other days when I can still hear the scream of her mother and the unmistakable face in the mirror telling me not to worry that everything was going to be alright now and I believe with all my heart. Know you know why I think that Susan is still with me and I talk to her now and again. I believe her to be my guardian angel that when she is not off playing hopscotch with Jesus she is keeping a watchful eye on me. Whenever I am hurt, in pain or sad she is always at my side to offer counsel and support.

Leave Time Alone Answer to Question 4 of 100

4. What do you think you would tell the third-grade version of yourself if you had a chance to send a message back to her? What would the message say and how do you think it would have affected you to see such a message?

When I was in the third grade it was really bad at home. My oldest brother was taken from the home and placed in a Group home. The middle one ran away and then attempted suicide.  I spent most of my third grade year stuffed in my little cubbyhole crying into my coat. So what would I tell my third grade self. Nothing at all I know that that sounds harsh but, It was that endless crying that got the school worried about me. They started an investigation that took the rest of third grade until the end of fourth with a little help from the counselor at my brothers school as he was the one whom my brother called before pulling the trigger.
     As for my part I came to school in my pajamas, because do to a late night visit from Frank, I slept in. My stepmother  sent me to school without getting dressed in the dead of winter. When I got to school I was shivering in the entryway before school the teacher saw me and asked me why. I showed her and we went to the office where they gave me some lost and found cloths.
     Next I got in a fight on the bus the girl hit me with her backpack that had a cookie monster calculator in the pocket. It hit me square in the eye and it turned all blue, swelled up so much that it closed.  My stepmother refused to come and get me so I had to stay in the office all day. So even though I was suffering I would not tell myself anything. You see I belive everything happens for a reason even if we don't know it at the time.

The Ultimate Conversation answer to question 3 of 100

3. Imagine that you were put into a room with your step-mother and step-brother. What do you think you would say to them? Detail the conversation from beginning to end.


The words for this have been rambling around in my head all day and up till this point I thought I was alright. As the words blink themselves onto the screen I hear that memory truck screaming toward me. You would think in all of these years the driver would have had his breaks fixed. Or are those my screams the ones that caught in my throat as I lay on the cold hard ground after a nightly running session. Or is it the one that filled my mouth and choked me while my stepbrother used my insides to wet his clarinet reed. In any case it is with a heavy hart that I tell you the fallowing conversation. Please note that the names have been changed to ward off the Google spider.



Stepmother Vanessa Burg (she still used my fathers last name 6 years after his death)

Stepbrother Frank

Not long after I realized that holding all of that anger, guilt, shame and frustration was killing me, I put it all at God's feet. He placed a hand on my head and said "Thank You!" Still feeling empty and unfulfilled I looked up my stepmother in the phone book.  This is the conversation that took place.


"Hello Vanessa Burg's residence."

"Hello Van this is Sally is Frank at home I was hoping to talk to you both." there was a long pause on the line and then.

"Sally, My dear girl how are you." I heard him smack his lips.

"Fine I am calling because I wanted to talk to you both about something." Just then tears started to stream down my face and my throat dried to the point that I could hardly speak. I cleared my throat and continued. "Recently I met God and I have given him my burdens." I could her my stepmother start to breath impatiently. "I am calling to tell you both that I forgive you for the bad things that you did to me." there was silence on the other end of the line it was so loud that I could hear every beat of my heart.

Finally she spoke the words echoed around in the ear piece "Is that all you have to say?"

A "Yes!" was all I could muster.

"Fine then!" Where the last words I heard her say before  the click and then a dial tone.


I sat for many hours just crying until I fell asleep. When I awoke I felt somewhat lighter as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Even though, that truck of emotion still haunts me the heavy burden has not returned.3. Imagine that you were put into a room with your step-mother and step-brother. What do you think you would say to them? Detail the conversation from beginning to end.

The words for this have been rambling around in my head all day and up till this point I thought I was alright. As the words blink themselves onto the screen I hear that memory truck screaming toward me. You would think in all of these years the driver would have had his breaks fixed. Or are those my screams the ones that caught in my throat as I lay on the cold hard ground after a nightly running session. Or is it the one that filled my mouth and choked me while my stepbrother used my insides to wet his clarinet reed. In any case it is with a heavy hart that I tell you the fallowing conversation. Please note that the names have been changed to ward off the Google spider.


Stepmother Vanessa Burg (she still used my fathers last name 6 years after his death)
Stepbrother Frank
Not long after I realized that holding all of that anger, guilt, shame and frustration was killing me, I put it all at God's feet. He placed a hand on my head and said "Thank You!" Still feeling empty and unfulfilled I looked up my stepmother in the phone book.  This is the conversation that took place.

"Hello Vanessa Burg's residence."
"Hello Van this is Sally is Frank at home I was hoping to talk to you both." there was a long pause on the line and then.
"Sally, My dear girl how are you." I heard him smack his lips.
"Fine I am calling because I wanted to talk to you both about something." Just then tears started to stream down my face and my throat dried to the point that I could hardly speak. I cleared my throat and continued. "Recently I met God and I have given him my burdens." I could her my stepmother start to breath impatiently. "I am calling to tell you both that I forgive you for the bad things that you did to me." there was silence on the other end of the line it was so loud that I could hear every beat of my heart.
Finally she spoke the words ecoed around in the ear piece "Is that all you have to say?"
A "Yes!" was all I could muster.
"Fine then!" Where the last words I heard her say before  the click and then a dial tone.

I sat for many hours just crying until I fell asleep. When I awoke I felt somewhat lighter as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Even though, that truck of emotion still haunts me the heavy burden has not returned.

Anger vs Faith answer to question 2 of 100

2. How do you feel toward the people who acted in such a negative way toward you when you were growing up? Have you forgiven them?

             It is not my place to judge the people who have hurt me in my past. There was a time that I was consumed by hate and anger toward these people but it started to eat me alive. These negative emotions started to corrode my insides to the point were I was never happy.  As a result I would just sleep for days on end until I almost died from starvation. Then I learned that there was someone willing to take on the burden of judgment and punishment and all I had to do to be free was to give that responsibility to them.  I know that for people without faith that this seems very hokey. I believe that God or whatever you like to call him is a relationship not a religion. Each person has there own duty to decide what that relationship means to them. My relationship is as fallows because I believe that there is a higher power out there that is beyond my comprehension or control.  I do not believe that have to go to church to be closer to him and I work on Sundays. Instead, I talk to God like he is my best friend wherever I happen to be. We have many long chats none of which I do on my knees. During these chats I tell him my troubles and he helps me when he sees fit. This means, I don’t give him ultimatums or try to say what he should do for me.  I accept the help he provides and try not to question his motives as they are usually right even if they seem absurd to me at the time. So in answer to the questions I feel sorry for the people who hurt me in the past I wish them best of luck when they have to answer for their actions. I have forgiven all of them hate and anger are too heavy of an emotion for one person to carry.  

Life goes on answer to question 1 of 100

1. What are some of the ways you’ve dealt with having a traumatic upbringing? What are some of the things you would suggest to someone who has gone through similar past experiences to get on with his or her life?

    Every one deals with pain and suffering in their own way. There are some people who are angry and bitter, there are some who chose to ignore it completely.  There are still others like me who chose to embrace what has happened to them and fold it into their daily life enriching every moment to the fullest. 
How have I dealt with the terrible things that I have happened to me?    
      I write as much as I can happy stories, sad stories, flash fiction contests, blog comments, emails, I am a member of yahoo groups where I pretend to be a wolf or a dragon, discussion groups about the books that I am reading, and a group about writing. I write my own story to tell people what has happened to me. All of this writing helps me work through emotional turmoil of my everyday life and is a wonderful release of pent up emotions. Now don't get me wrong not every day is roses and lollypops there are days where my past comes rolling back into my life like a mac-truck knocking me for a loop but I always try and remember that life goes on. There is always the beat of your hart that remains constant. Like in the Reba McEntire song "For My Broken Heart" “Life goes on the world doesn't stop for my broken heart.” There are good days and there are bad days but if I learn from the bad and cherish the good then life can go on.

So how can suffers from a past or present deal with there pain?

I know that writing is not for everyone but I do know there is something out there for everyone. There is a fervor that is hidden in all of us. You may not know it yet but there is some spark inside you that is waiting to become a raging fire of passion that once it consumes you will become helpless against its will. The trick is to find that spark and give it kindling. I know that that is very vague but every person is different and what works for me may not work for you. Just remember that even though you think that you are alone there is always someone out there who loves you very much and they keep watch over you whether you care for them to do so or not.