5. Imagine that the imaginary girl who helped you to cope with your traumatic experiences came back today to help you in your current life. What would you say to this imaginary girl and do you think you would still need her in your life right now?
I know that it is very childish but Susan is still with me and I don't think that she has ever left. Let me tell you a bit about how Susan came about and maybe you will understand why. When I was a kid they thought that every time I drank milk, I would get cold like symptoms runny nose, watery eyes and chapped lips. Whenever these symptoms happened my Stepmother would accuse me of drinking milk at school. One such occasion it was really cold out side and my lips where very chapped. I came home from school and was on my way to my room to get some balm to put on them. When I was confronted by my stepmother outside my bedroom door she demanded to know why I was drinking milk at school. When I told her that I was not drinking any milk at school she back handed me across the mouth. The cracked lips busted open an blood poured out of my mouth. I put my hand to my mouth and headed toward the bathroom. She back handed me again and told me that she had not given me permission to leave. I stood there shaking before her then she hit me again and said stop bleeding all over my carpet get in the bathroom. That night I lay awake for a long time hoping that my stepbrother would not come for me when I finally fell asleep this is what I dreamed.
A mother and child traveled alone along an old back road. The mother leaned forward and squinted through the windshield hoping it would help her see through the blinding snow. Her daughter sat in the back seat holding a warn black teddy bear to her chest. She could feel her mothers anxiety and tried to stay quiet but soon fear got the better of her and she asked.
"Are we there yet?" the mother risked a glanced away from the road and gave her daughter a warm smile hoping that it would reassure her.
"Don't worry it is just a little bit further." When she looked back at the road the mother wished that it was true. They still had several miles yet to go and the storm seemed to be getting worse. With greater intensity she gripped the wheel and prayed. The snow streaked down and the car crawled along. The mother risked a peak in the review mirror once again and she found her daughter nodding off her little head sagging onto the top of her teddy bear. When her eyes went back to the road they were blinded by a bright light coming strait for them in the middle of the road was a large semi-truck. She swerved to avoid it but the icy road spun them around until they were in its path again the truck hit the side of the car sending it flying over the embankment. It flipped over and over until it came to rest at the bottom. The mother was dazed and confused blood was dripping down her face out of a large gash on the side of her head. It seemed to scream in pain when she shook her head trying to clear it. Suddenly she remembered her daughter and despite her pain she craned her neck to see into the back seat. Her daughter was on the ceiling of the car at first she seemed to just be sleeping there until her mother noticed she was bent in an unnatural angle. The mother then screamed one word it echoed through the car and out into the night.
"Susan!"
It was at this moment that my alarm clock chose to go off I was ripped out of my sleep and despite my wishes to remain curled up under the covers I knew that I had to get up. I got dressed at my cereal with orange juice on it and then when into the bathroom to bush my teeth. When I looked in the mirror to examine my split lip it was not my own face that I saw but that of Susan's. She smiled at me and said.
"Don't worry I will protect you now." Startled I stepped back from the mirror and the reflection there in was once again my own. I never saw her face again but every time I was hurt I could her her words in my ear telling me that she was there. From that moment on she became my imaginary friend and we did everything together.
I know that you probably think that I am a quack and that what I have told you is untrue. I have days when I don't even believe it myself. Then there are other days when I can still hear the scream of her mother and the unmistakable face in the mirror telling me not to worry that everything was going to be alright now and I believe with all my heart. Know you know why I think that Susan is still with me and I talk to her now and again. I believe her to be my guardian angel that when she is not off playing hopscotch with Jesus she is keeping a watchful eye on me. Whenever I am hurt, in pain or sad she is always at my side to offer counsel and support.
Never had an imaginary friend although Susan seems cool. I owned the pain and abuse I suffered as a child learned and grew from it. Relying on myself served me well growing up and now as an adult when I rely on others it's a conscious choice. One I can apprecaite and be grateful for.
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