14. When you described your traumatic childhood to your husband, what was his reaction? How do you think his perspective on you changed or grew after you talked about it?
Abuse and its love child PTSD are a living, breathing entities which consume with a hunger that is unmatched in any food chain. How much or little these vile creatures devour of the individuals they pray upon depends on the victim. The reasons for the variation in emotional responses are sometimes people have only a vague notion of what happened to them like a ghost they can see out of the corner of their eye but when they look, at it directly it is gone. While others remember every detail of their abuse as if they are living it repeatedly with full sensory stimulation. My husband is in the latter category not only can he relive his own abuse he can also imagine and recreate other peoples experiences as if he were there personally. This means I have only told him the minor details of my previous life so that he doesn't have more PTSD than he currently has to deal with on a daily basis from his own childhood. These heightened senses are not always bad, however, because he does not treat me with sympathetic indifference when he tells me he knows how I feel he really does. On the other hand, these thoughts are devastating to his mental well being. He has repeatedly told me that he would not be nice to my stepmother or her son if he ever came in contact with them and is always asking me how I survive, with all the things that happened to me. I try to explain to him that I am of the mindset where I know the abuse happened, I can recall some of the most tragic events, but for the most part it feels as if it happened to someone else or like I watched it play out as movie long ago. As frustrating as dealing with my aphantasia has been for him, he never wavers in his devotion to be my protector against my abuse, he would, if given the opportunity fight my battles against my abusers and this makes me feel wanted.
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