Thursday, October 27, 2011

What is the point of revenge? Answer to question 9 of 100

9. Imagine you had the opportunity for revenge on the people who wronged you during your childhood. Would you take it? If so, what would you do? If not, what would hold you back?

I get asked this question all the time when I tell people about my childhood situation. I always answer with a question of my own. What is the point of revenge? 

    Abuse is about power and the desire to fill the endless emptiness inside by taking away your life force. So by wanting to inflict revenge on those who hurt me I am in turn continuing the cycle of power and fulfillment. This means they win. By effectively turning me into them they cause my insides to slowly be eaten away leaving me with an even bigger hole to fill.
    Trust me, if revenge consumes you, you will inevitably miss the fact that you are no longer under the influence of your aggressor; therefore, you will continue to miss the beauty of life that being abused takes away. Stop taking it upon yourself to punish those who have hurt you because now that you are no longer abused you do not have to be driven by their desires. You are free to live your own life. Their thoughts, feelings and wants are no longer your concern, You do not have to try and fulfill them. Start living YOUR life not theirs! I know that if you are reading this right after leaving an abusive relationship you are thinking I am full of it. It will take time to understand that you are now your own person and you no longer have to pretend to be something you are not. I can tell you all this until I am blue in the face but you have to find out for yourself. That is the best part of not being abused anymore: you learn about yourself. You find that you have your own wants and desires. 
     So to answer the question “If you had the opportunity for revenge on the people who wronged you during your childhood, would you take it?” No. 
“If not, what would hold you back?” I feel they will have to answer for their wrong doings in time and it is not my job to render punishment. All I can do is forgive them and leave the rest to higher powers.

     I know that being abused is hard. Every day is a struggle just to survive. I also know that when the abuse stops you feel alone and lost; you can't live without the abuser telling you what to do. It does not have to always be this way. You are now in charge of what you want to be and since there is no one but you, there is no limit to reinvent yourself into someone you can be proud of. Find that inner voice that will guide you. Follow a dream you never thought was possible. The way may be dark and scary but it is not blocked. You can walk freely on your own two legs. Also you can put this special promise that I give to you in a safe place and take it out whenever you need an extra boost of confidence: 
"I don't know you. I have never met you before but I am here!  You are not alone! I love you!"
Thanks for reading my blog I hope it helps.